


Turnabout is Fair Play

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, Gen, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Power Swap, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Todd Brotzman is a Good Boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Dirk wakes up, and finds that he has no longer got hunches. Instead, there is a Blackwing alarm. He finds out that Mona can no longer change shape, and Bart is mysteriously missing. When the Rowdies start causing deaths, they realise they have to find a solution.
Relationships: Amanda Brotzman & The Rowdy 3, Bart Curlish & Ken, Dirk Gently & Mona Wilder, Farah Black/Tina Tevetino, Ken (Dirk Gently)/Osmund Priest, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 27
Kudos: 38
Collections: DGHDA Big Bang 2020





	Turnabout is Fair Play

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to Bloodamber for betaing, and some beautiful art, which is included in the story and can be found [here](https://bloodamber.tumblr.com/post/625922722278637568/my-first-piece-of-art-for-the-dghdabigbang-big) and [here](https://bloodamber.tumblr.com/post/625922856091516928/my-second-piece-of-art-for-the-dghdabigbang-big). And thank you to Triffidsandcuckoos for the support and the title.
> 
> As always, so impressed by Hellz for organising this event at a really tricky time.

Todd sighed, settling back in his chair and gazing out the office ahead of him. Everything felt calm, and he knows from the time he had been with Dirk that this was never going to last. This was a false calm. Because being near Dirk meant chaos was going to happen. The question was what kind of chaos, and how many near-death experiences it would involve. Todd wasn't quite sure when that had become his normality. He hated that it was his normality, but apparently it was.

He glanced over at Dirk, who was busy scribbling with a multi-colour crayon, the kind that you push one section out and shove it in the back to change the colour. Todd wasn't entirely sure if that was a clue, Dirk's fidget toy, or Mona. He didn't want to ask. Dirk always got incredibly offended if Todd couldn't recognise Mona, even though Mona was by definition almost impossible to identify at any particular moment.

"Are you... working?" Todd tried, frowning a little and trying to make a start. 

"Not exactly. Just...thinking through those messages. The ones that we were finding everywhere, and..." Dirk lifted up the paper, and the crayon turned into a little stuffed toy dinosaur. That, at least, answered where Mona was.

Todd frowned, staring at the messages that Dirk had apparently written on top of each other. There were a few letters that appeared more than once, overlaid in the rainbow of colours, but Todd couldn't be entirely sure if that was actually meaningful, or if Dirk was just bored.

"What does it say?"

"F R I Y A D." Dirk read out. "And then some other letters as well, but I can't read what they say."

Todd groaned and reached out for the piece of paper. "Dirk, this isn't like, covered in Mona's blood is it? Because if so, I..."

"It's not." Dirk reassured him with a grin. "She doesn't work like that."

Todd nodded, examining the page carefully and then shaking his head. "Sorry, Dirk. I can't see anything there."

"Can we run it by Farah?" Dirk asked. "She might see something, she's great at clues."

"Sure." Todd put the paper over on Farah's desk. "She should be back soon, I'm pretty sure Tina just invited her over so that they could flirt."

"So that they could flirt and so that Farah could evict a wasp."

"Wasps are scary, Todd." Dirk answered, crossing his arms, and then looking up as someone knocked on the door. "Uh. I'm sure that's fine, that's probably Farah back, so why don't we just sit here."

"Dirk," Todd raised an eyebrow. "If that is Farah, she would have unlocked the door herself. So that means it's not Farah." He paused. "You think it’s connected to the case?"

"I don't think that we should open it." Dirk said carefully, crossing his arms over his chest. "Maybe we should just wait, and then whoever is at the door won't be at the door, and we won't need to worry about-"

Todd sighed, getting to his feet and walking over to the door, opening it with one movement, and then freezing as he saw a bloodstained woman on the other side of it.

"Oh." Todd said quietly. "It's you." He contemplated slamming the door back in her face, but it probably wasn't a good idea. It was the kind of thing that he could see backfiring, with the door somehow splintering and stabbing him in the heart. A literal backfire. Why was his life like this? He groaned, pushing the door further open.

"Dirk. It's your murder-friend."

  
  


"She's not my friend."

"I am your friend. I have not killed you so many times by now Dirk, we're definitely friends. In fact... you might be my best friend." There was something in the way that Bart's voice shook at the end there that made Todd feel a little concerned. He took a look at her and realised that while there was a little bit of blood on her, there was nowhere near as much as he might have expected.

Dirk looked up, and then looked at Todd somewhat frantically. "She looks sad. Todd, can you-"

"No." Todd crossed his arms. He'd somewhat outgrown his assholeishness, but he was willing to draw the line at moments like this. At moments like this, with a crying murderer, he was willing to fully embrace all of his worst tendencies. "She's your friend. Talk to her."

Dirk sighed, but got to his feet, approaching her for an embrace with the same caution that someone would show a tiger. A hungry tiger, which was holding a knife and fork in its paws. But he walked over to her.

"What's wrong Bart?"

She started to sob.

"Bart?" Dirk crossed over the short distance between them, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back. "Bart, what is it?"

"I didn't like it in Blackwing, it was boring and.... and Ken didn't want to be my friend any more and now he doesn't like me and so I had to leave and he yelled at me and he..." Her sobs grew louder and more frantic, like a wounded animal. Todd frowned, trying to decipher the noise, but Dirk flinched and sat her down on the sofa, whistling at the toy dinosaur which turned into a bouncy ball and then into a beetle and then into a blanket, which settled down over her.

"What's wrong?"

"Could you make some tea please Todd? Actual tea, using the kettle?" Dirk asked, shushing at Bart. Todd rolled his eyes and bit down any urge to insult them, going to do as he was asked, biting back any further insults about Dirk's attitude towards him and his tea making skills. When he returned, Bart was sniffling, still wrapped in the Mona-blanket.

"Ken tried to stop her leaving. She didn't kill him, she doesn't want to kill now. But he called her Marzanna." Dirk said that word carefully, as though it was going to bite him. 

"But he's alive?"

"She didn't kill him. She just left."

"The doors were open," Bart answered, looking pathetic. Now she looked like a sad puppy. Only knowing what Todd did about her abilities, he wondered if she was some kind of sad wolf cub. "I... I didn't know where else to go. I don't want to kill and I don't have anywhere... anywhere at all in the world that wants me."

"We want you." Dirk answered, as though he wasn't afraid of her, because sometimes Dirk did the right thing even when that wasn't a smart move. 

She looked up, her eyes shining hopefully. "You really want me?"

"Yeah, sure." Dirk gave her a gentle hug, and patted the Mona blanket. "She wants you here too."

"Oh, okay." Bart gave a noise gulping gasp, and then wiped her face on her sleeve. "I can stay here fer now then."

"That'll be good." Dirk lied, smiling up at Todd. For a moment, Todd considered arguing, before he remembered that he was trying not to be a jerk any more, and also that Bart was very very good with knives and other methods of causing death. He faked a smile.

"We better ask Farah first."

"We will. But she'll say it's okay, I'm sure of it." Dirk answered, a confident smile on his face, and Todd wanted to argue but he couldn't find a way to do it. Bart needed somewhere to go. Old-Todd, asshole Todd, would certainly have had the sense to say no to her presence. He wasn't asshole Todd any more. He groaned, and managed a weak smile back.

Dirk practically jumped up to kiss him, and Todd cursed his niceness.

But it was fine. That was all fine, Bart was just going to stay for a while because she'd left Blackwing, and Dirk was determined. Farah agreed when her and Tina arrived, and she also said that it was fine for Bart to stay, at least for now. And that meant that this was going to be the situation, and Todd just had to deal with the ridiculousness that was going on. He told himself he could manage it.

That night, they all ate pizza, Farah smiling shyly to herself as she talked about what had happened while she stayed at Tina's, leaning against her girlfriend's shoulder. Tina grinned and kissed her cheek, and explained far more enthusiastically how very talented Farah had been at removing the wasp that had been bothering her. Dirk kept grinning and clapping his hands in excitement, and Farah kept glancing up at Tina, their fingers laced together. For once she wasn't fidgeting, looking almost calm, a faint but real smile on her face.

"You painted your nails?" Todd frowned a little. He'd known Farah for almost a year now, he'd been on the run with her for two months, and he'd never ever seen her even consider painting her nails.

"Tina did it," Farah mumbled, her face lighting up with hope and excitement and belief. "It's to help me stop picking at them, and it works..." There was so much nervousness on her face, as though she expected to be told that having painted nails wasn't practical.

"They look beautiful. You look beautiful," Tina murmured ducking in for another kiss and Todd rolled his eyes at how ridiculous they were, but he didn't say it out loud, because it was good to see his friend this happy. 

He glanced over to Bart, who had established a blanket fort on the sofa with the help of Mona (currently the blanket). Bart still looked a little nervous, so Todd passed her up a slice of pizza.

"Thanks." Bart muttered, picking at the pepperoni slices. "It's cool your 'jamas have a shark on Dirk."

"Thank you, Bart. Todd says we can't have a real shark, so I thought this would help." Dirk seemed to choose his words carefully, a little cautious around Bart but not wanting to drive her away.

Mona adjusted her patterning from a frankly rather hideous plaid to being covered in shark-patterns. Todd felt he should be thankful, as that seemed preferable to her becoming an actual shark.

"Hey, sharks. Thanks, Mona," Bart muttered. 

Farah leaned in to rest her head on Tina's shoulder. "I guess Tina better share with me tonight so that Bart can have the sofa."

The sheer sincerity of her offer was broken a moment later as Tina guffawed cheerfully, wrapping her arms around Farah and laughing. "Is that what we're calling it now? Because I was hoping we were gonna share anyway."

"We can share anyway," Farah mumbled, glancing down, resting her head on Tina's shoulder. The two of them said their goodnights and headed off to bed. Todd watched as Dirk cuddled Bart, and patted the Mona blanket, and then went to their bedroom door, glancing back at Todd. 

Todd hesitated, grabbed Bart a glass of water, because he felt that was a non-assholish thing to do, and then went to Dirk's side, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him softly.

"We should give Bart a blanket, in case Mona gets bored."

"Sure," Todd went to grab one, finding that Mona had turned into a teddy bear by the time he returned. Bart grinned at seeing the blanket. 

"Thank you, Todd. I like you. It would make me sad if I had to kill you."

"You could just... not kill me?" Todd tried hopefully.

"It don't work like that. But I would be sad." Bart offered, and Todd decided that was going to have to be good enough. He returned to the bedroom, curling up around Dirk and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Dirk leaned back against him, his arms covering Todd's own for a moment, and they just held each other close for a few seconds before they parted, going ready for bed.

*****

"Dirk?" Todd sounded tense. 

Dirk fumbled in the dark for his hand, giving it a squeeze, and then wondering why it was still dark when he felt rested. Very dark. Not just curtains-pulled-mostly-closed-at-night dark, but pitch black. Blackwing black, the darkness of all the lights in the corridor having been switched out.

"Yeah?" He asked, reaching down to check he was still in his pyjamas, a little shark embroidered on the pocket.

"Where's the alarm clock?"

An alarm started to blare, and Dirk screamed.

"The hell, dude?" Tina called out as the door opened, light spilling in from the hallway. She and Farah ran into the room, both semi-dressed and holding guns.

Dirk looked between them, and the familiar Blackwing alarm on the ceiling, and frowned. Before he could say anything else, Mona walked in, looking utterly miserable. She flopped dramatically onto the bed. "Something's wrong, Dirk. I'm trying to be a kitten."

"Hmm?" Dirk paused, wondering what kind of kitten-shaped issue she was having. Maybe she couldn't decide on a fur colour, or some other kitteny problem.

She looked him in the eyes, still human-shaped. "I'm trying to be a kitten. Right. Now."

"Right now?" Dirk asked, frowning at her. He knew sometimes she forgot how to be a human, more comfortable in the shape of an object than in the body Blackwing and society expected her to use. But he'd never known her to forget how to be something.

"Right now..." Mona agreed, shivering as the noise of the alarm faded away. "I want to be a kitten, because the alarm scared me, and I can't."

"Okay," Dirk considered, and then sighed and shook his head. "Why don't you try being a teddy bear, if that would help? Or if that doesn't work, perhaps a chair?" He thought that could work. For years of her childhood she had been a chair. It seemed likely that would be an easy shape for her to take on once more. 

"I can try..." Mona looked up at him, and then frowned, the tip of her tongue between her lips as her nose crinkled in concentration. She closed her eyes, and Dirk held his breath, waiting to see what would happen.

There was no change. 

Mona laid down on the bed, frowning and concentrating, and nothing changed. She looked human, just as human as she was. She blinked back tears, wrapping her arms around herself and curling up into a ball.

"Dirk? I'm scared."

"It's alright, Mona. Come here..." Dirk enfolded her into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "It's going to be okay. I don't know how yet, but we'll be alright."

"Why is there the alarm? Did we have to go back to Blackwing? I don't like Blackwing, it's not nice there."

"We... I don't know." Dirk sighed, not wanting to lie to her, but equally not wanting to scare her. "If we are, we'll find a way to get back out. We can work together, and things will be alright."

Mona nodded, trembling in his arms, feeling far too young and afraid. 

Dirk looked up towards Todd, and towards Farah, hoping for some kind of guidance, but they didn't seem to have any answers. He rubbed Mona's back, rocking her gently.

"We should talk to Bart," Todd muttered, and Dirk nodded, trying to gently ease Mona away from his arms. "Did either of you see her?"

"She was on the sofa," Tina answered.

"Fuck!" Bart cried out from outside the bedroom. Dirk slid out from Mona's embrace, rushing out into the corridor to see what was bothering Bart.

Everything looked normal, like Todd's apartment. There was no sign of Blackwing there, or of Priest.

There was also no sign of Bart.

***

Vogel bounced from foot to foot, half-crouching within the back of the van, laughing to himself. "We're going to smash something up, Boss!"

"Yeah, we will," Boss agreed, grinning at him. She was looking happy. Gripps had painted Vogel's nails a bright blue, and they matched Boss's. She was in the back of the van, while Beast and Martin were in the front. Beast had her head stuck out the window, squealing in delight, and everything was great.

Vogel didn't think he'd ever felt so happy as he was now, with the guys and Boss, his family around him. They had so much fun together. They were going to stop the bad guys, and rescue the Holistics, and be awesome.

He laughed and cheered to himself, the sheer joy and excitement he was feeling rolling through him. He jumped, as the car stopped by a gas station, so that Boss and Beast could get some snacks. He rushed out from the van, whooping in delight.

An older man glared at him, and Vogel decided he didn't like that man very much. The man frowned at him, and Vogel stuck out his tongue, and raised both his middle fingers towards him the way Boss did sometimes. He wasn't scared, even if something about the old man was hurting the back of his head in a way he didn't really understand. He stamped his feet, ready to try and fight the man if he came any closer. 

The man started to walk across the parking lot, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

Vogel didn't see the truck until it was too late.

It careered across the parking lot, striking the man, and he disappeared from view.

Vogel screamed.

Vogel ran back to the van, hammering his fists on the door until Martin opened it, looking down at him. "What's wrong, baby bird?"

"That man just died. He was scaring me and he glared and he walked over and then... was I bad?" Vogel asked. "Is it my fault?"

He'd killed people before, before Boss. When he'd accidentally eaten too much, and then they had died, but he'd never had someone die like that.

Martin growled protectively, his arms wrapping around Vogel. "Get in the van. Cross, get the girls. We've got to get out of here."

Vogel climbed into the van, and waited, his breath coming too fast. He whimpered to himself until the door of the van opened, and the girls came in. Martin hit the thing to make the van go, and they were speeding away from the gas station.

He could see the moment Boss started to panic, as she curled up on herself, hands scrabbling desperately at her arms.

"You okay there Drummer?" Martin called from the front seat.

"Fire-" she whispered, and Vogel leaned in to eat, to take away the pain. It was strange - normally he could smell when Boss had one of her attacks, but nothing seemed different at that moment.

There was no light, no tasty blue energy jumping from her to them. She kept crying out, screaming and thrashing, and Gripps grabbed her before she injured herself, hugging her against his chest. Martin stopped the van, clambering through to the back, and they watched as she sobbed in pain.

"It's okay, Drummer girl," Martin said, but none of them were feeding, none had the tasty energy from her. She sobbed, and Vogel squeezed her hand, and they huddled up together in the back of the van on the side of the road, until slowly her screams faded to sobs.

"You're not on fire. You're safe. You're going to be okay, we promise," Cross was saying, his normal manic voice calmer now, gentle, as he squeezed her hand and kept talking.

Boss looked at them, and down at her hands, and took a few shaky breaths.

"What happened?"

"I dunno," Vogel paused. "Couldn't eat it. I dunno, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Boss lied, and he was worried, because this was bad, this was really bad, they were meant to keep Boss safe and they couldn't and if they couldn't that might mean Boss died and it would all be their fault. He tried not to panic, even if he wanted to, because he was meant to stick by Boss. He'd looked after her when the guys had all been disappeared by Blackwing, and she'd looked after him. He could do it now too.

"Maybe we're sick?" He suggested, nervously. She leaned in and hugged him.

"It's okay, Vogel. You're doing great. We'll talk to Dirk, okay? Maybe he can help." She frowned. "I know I have some spare pills somewhere."

"Okay," Vogel started to search through their stuff until he found the pills, handing them over, feeling bad he hadn't found the in the attack. She gave him a hug, muttering thanks, and then yawned. 

"You should sleep, Boss."

"Yeah, okay..." She sighed. "I'll just have a quick rest, then we can talk to Dirk, this is his kind of thing."

She curled up, and Gripps draped a blanket over her, patting her hair. Martin frowned, looking very sad, and Cross sighed and shook his head, sitting beside her in quiet vigil. Vogel wished he could fix it. 

He kept thinking about that man in the parking lot. He wanted things fixed.

He kept looking over at Boss, who was trying to rest. She looked very small, curled up between Martin and Cross, her eyes closed in sleep. He tried to be very very quiet, so that she could rest. He didn't say anything at all, holding his breath to try and not make noise, until that made him have a big gasp. Martin frowned at him.

Martin _never_ frowned at him. Martin never ever ever was angry with him, so if he was angry now that meant that things really were bad, and he didn't know how he could possibly fix them. He looked over at the three of them, and curled up on the front seat of the van, watching in the mirror.

Boss slept for almost an hour, which was a lot longer than she normally had a nap for after one of her attacks. But she'd been screaming and hadn't had any help to calm down again, so that must have made things worse for her, must have meant it was harder to feel okay. He wanted to hug her, but he knew she needed sleep.

Eventually, she woke up, finding her phone and turning it on. She looked over at Vogel, frowning as though she could tell just how worried he was. 

"It's going to be okay, Vogel," she promised, and he believed her, because she'd got the guys back from Blackwing and stopped the cuckoos bananas lady who wanted to take over Wendimoor and she'd found a way home, and because she was the best Boss ever. He believed her, he just wasn't quite sure yet how things were going to be okay.

Gripps leaned over and ruffled his hair, and for once Vogel didn't yelp or try and hit his hands away, because that felt nice, to have someone be careful with him, to try and fix it. Boss put her cellphone to her ear. 

"Hi. Yeah, no we need to talk to Dirk... not you, loser, put him on...." She was smiling as she spoke though, so he guessed that was a good thing. He wanted it to be a good thing, Boss deserved only the best things.

"Huh?" Boss frowned at her phone. "Well. Okay, that's... that's a situation."

***

Dirk gripped his phone to his ear. 

"I was right, wasn't I? The Rowdy Three have something other than their powers, don't they? Something's affecting the Holistics."

"You're right," Amanda admitted, frowning, as Todd tried to grab the phone, his face going through a journey of multiple different emotions. 

"Sorry, your brother wants to ask you something. I'm going to hand the phone over before he strains himself."

Before she could object, the phone was passed over, and Todd took it from him with a grin. Dirk allowed himself a moment to admire the sheer aesthetic beauty of Todd's grin, before returning his focus to the conversation that was happening on the phone.

"You had an attack and they didn't help, didn't you?" Todd was asking, and he could hear Amanda's voice from the receiver, the words muffled. "Come here-" 

There was more yelling, so Dirk reached over and retrieved the phone, clearing his throat. "He's right that you should come here, Amanda. We need all the Holistics together to try and work out what's going on. Has anything strange happened?"

"A guy got hit by a truck," Amanda whispered, and Dirk's eyes widened as everything began to slot into place.

"You've got to come here right now, I've got an idea." 

She agreed and ended the call, and he groaned, looking up at Todd. "We need to get everyone together."

"We still don't know where Bart is," Todd pointed out, because he was the best assistant, and great at keeping track of things like misplaced Holistic assassins which would otherwise cause problems later.

Mona walked straight through the living room, making a beeline to the couch. She stopped, lifting up a cushion, and then sliding forwards one of the seats. She pulled out a sharp, utilitarian looking blade with a black handle, the kind of knife that was found in kitchens everywhere. Aside from being located on the sofa itself, there was nothing particularly spectacular about that knife, but she looked at it with concentration, turning it over in her hands as though it held the answers to all the mysteries they were currently faced with.

"This is Bart," Mona said softly, swaying a little from side to side.

"What?" Todd asked. "Mona, that's not Bart, turning into things is-"

"This is Bart," Mona insisted, her voice still having its normal sing-song quality that frightened Todd. "She's tired, so she's being a knife right now."

  
  


Dirk wanted to argue, to say that this wasn't how any of it worked, but he couldn't be sure. Right now there were no twinges of what way to go, no way of reaching for something and knowing where it would end up. If Mona wanted to insist the knife she had found was Bart, well, Dirk certainly didn't have the information to hand to counteract her.

"Okay, well," Dirk looked at Todd for help. Todd broke his streak of being the best assistant ever by shrugging extremely unhelpfully. Dirk sighed, then carried on. "Well, why don't we put Bart down on the sofa so that she's comfortable, and then give her some time and see if she wants to turn back, does that sound good?"

Mona nodded, waggling the blade in her hand, and then placing it down on a cushion. She sighed, gently tapping the blade, and frowning as it made what could best be described as a _fwoomph_ sound.

"Bart isn't a very good actor, is she?" Mona asked, patting the blade. "That's not the right noise at all."

Dirk shook his head sympathetically, not really sure what else to say. Knives definitely shouldn't _fwoomph_. Mona looked over at the blade with something sad in her eyes. 

"Can she hear us?" Dirk asked, as gently as possible. Mona nodded quietly, and then sat down next to the cushion, running one finger idly up and down the length of the blade. 

"It's okay Bart, I know this is your first try at being a knife. To be the best at acting you need to think about what you are being, so... a knife is made of metal, so it's going to make a little metal noise, right?" She gave the knife an encouraging smile, then tapped it again. The knife _fwoomph_ ed its displeasure at being prodded. 

Dirk reached over and gently squeezed Mona's shoulder, not really sure what else he could do to provide comfort or reassurance to her. She leaned back against the touch, and he tried to smile. He wanted to help, to know what to do. But there was nothing, no feelings, no ideas. Just the memory of the alarm that had woken him, and Mona's sadness, and Bart resting on a cushion as a knife. Normally, things would start fitting into place. He'd get a hunch, and he'd know what to do.

There were no hunches today.

Farah cleared her throat, looking between them all. "Okay. Todd, you go and get one of the whiteboards from the office, Tina, can you help him? I'm going to get properly dressed, and then we're going to work this out, alright?" 

There was a pause, as everyone hurried off to do that, and Dirk just stayed sat with the other two. Mona was wriggling slightly where she was sat, uncomfortable in her skin, not liking where she was or how she was shaped. 

"I'll find a way to fix this," he promised her. She looked up at him, and she nodded trustingly.  
"You've got a hunch?" She asked, sounding heartbreakingly hopeful. He nodded. There was no need to distress her with the truth, not until they at least knew what was happening.

Farah returned, nodding at the whiteboard, circling it as though it was about to come to life. "I need a pen," she murmured, and Mona's face scrunched up in concentration before she let out a whimper. Dirk wrapped his arms around her, watching as Todd passed Farah a pen, and Farah began to write out their names. She paused. "Dirk, how would you describe your ability?" 

Dirk sighed, not wanting to start the whole 'I don't have an ability' argument again. "Links to the fundamental interconnectedness of the universe?" 

Farah sighed, and added a single word to her diagram. When it was finished, she had a list of names and abilities.  
_Dirk - Connected  
Mona - Shapeshifting  
Bart - Deaths  
Rowdies - Energy _

Farah stepped back, admiring her list for a minute, and then added another column, which she started to fill in.  
_Dirk - Connected - ???  
Mona - Shapeshifting - ???  
Bart - Deaths - Shapeshifting  
Rowdies - Energy - Deaths_

"It's not enough," Farah mumbled. "I can't work out what's going on from this, I need more information and-" 

Tina leaned in and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear. Dirk ignored that, hoping the Rowdies would arrive safely and without killing anyone on their way.

He had to hope that they would manage. It was definitely the best case scenario - that no one would die because of the Rowdies careless driving. He knew normally the universe worked in their favour, that no matter how badly Martin drove he wouldn't hit someone. He just wasn't sure if that would still apply.

They ate breakfast quietly together, Mona looking utterly dejected in her human form, the Bart-Knife positioned on a cushion on Mona's lap. "Come on," she encouraged. "You can be other things. What do you really want to be?"

After a moment, the knife got a little larger. Mona frowned down at it, and Dirk sighed to himself. Todd stared at her.

"Oh great, as if she wasn't normally enough of a horror movie, now she has a knife."

"What do you mean, Todd?" Mona asked, looking up at him and blinking slowly. Todd swore under his breath, and Dirk glared at him, trying to silently tell him to be nice to her, reminding him that Mona didn't like it when he said she was scary. Dirk didn't understand why Todd seemed so convinced that Mona was scary, because as far as Dirk could tell, she was lovely, always.

Still, he pushed those concerns aside, and waited impatiently for the others to get there.

The Rowdy van rolled up outside their house around midday, snarling to itself. Dirk felt a ball of fear settle in his chest, even though he knew that the Rowdies were his friends now, and they weren't going to feed on him, the growl of their van still terrified him. He curled up a little, and Todd rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry. I'm not... I'm here." Todd muttered, and glared down towards the van, and Dirk realised that Todd absolutely would fight someone if he had to to keep him safe. It was Todd, so Todd would probably fight someone for any reason, but that included protecting Dirk, and that was enough to make him feel safer. Todd wanted to protect him. That thought made him feel all warm and safe inside, and helped him stay calm as the engine fell silent.

He waited until there was a knock at the door, and Martin's voice calling through the keyhole. "Ding-Dong."

Farah was the one to open the door. Dirk felt too trapped to do so, nervousness bubbling in him. The entire Rowdy Three walked in, all six of them, Vogel clutching onto Amanda as the Beast smiled and loped towards Dirk, reaching for his hands.

"Bibbit!"

"Hey...hey you... Amanda. Guys." He swallowed nervously. "So uh... we've got a problem."

"Yeah," Amanda sighed, leaning against a wall. "Todd, I'm gonna have to take some of your spare tablets, because right now the guys can't help."

Martin wandered over to the chart Farah had been working on, frowning up at it.

"You drawn this wrong." He muttered, writing to the side of it, copying out the names. _Dirk Mona Bart Rowdies_ He spaced the names out, and drew an arrow from Mona to Bart, and Bart to the Rowdies. "It's like that. They're linked."

"So?" Todd asked, and Dirk's eyes widened. "So someone can feed on Amanda. Maybe it's Mona-"

Dirk stared at them. "Did it. Kind of."

"What?"

"I've got Francis's power. Things... things appear when I dream them. I had a Blackwing nightmare and-"

"It's a loop." Todd agreed, marching over to Martin, grabbing the pen, and adding Francis to the diagram, an arrow going from him to Dirk. It was progress towards finding out what was going on.

It also didn't answer much at all.

Dirk groaned, staring, as Farah examined the chart. 

"We don't know who has the Rowdies power, or Dirk's power, or what Mona can do. So there's probably at least one person missing, maybe two or more." She tapped her pen on it, adding a couple of question marks. "Maybe Francis can do the whole energy eating thing-"

"I hope not," Dirk interrupted. "He's in Wendimoor."

The knife on Mona's lap turned into a meat cleaver with a pale pink handle. Dirk wasn't sure if this was an attempt at becoming more murderous, or an attempt at expressing happiness. Either way, it was rather unnerving.

"So what can ghost-girl do?" Martin asked, staring at Mona.

Mona patted the meat cleaver and shook her head. "I don't know. I don't like it, I want to be able to change into a me-shape."

"I know," Dirk squeezed her shoulder.

"She found Bart." Todd interrupted. "She walked straight over to the sofa and found Bart even though she was under a cushion."

Martin frowned, cursing under his breath, and reached out for the pen. Farah handed it over, and Martin added another word to the list, one that made Dirk flinch and feel sick. _Priest_

Martin drew an arrow from _Priest_ to _Mona_.

"So what do we do, English?"

"I don't... I don't know." Dirk admitted. "I don't have any hunches right now."

"It's a loop, right?" Todd asked, frowning. "And right now we don't know what power Priest has, or what power Francis has." He tapped at the board, and Dirk watched him, feeling very grateful that Todd was organising this, and admiring how he was working it out, even if he didn't know what conclusion he would reach.

"Okay?"

"So we need to check that its just...that..." Todd tapped at the board. "Six. Or nine, if we count the rowdies separately, because we have to find where Dirk's hunches have gone."

Farah looked at him and started nodding.

"Why?" Dirk asked. He wanted his hunches back, obviously, they were super helpful to have and he found them endlessly useful, but that wasn't normally reason enough for Todd and Farah to sound this certain.

"Because we need your hunches to solve the case." Farah said simply. "That's what you do. You take the information and you make sense of it with your hunches. Without them we're stuck."

"So we ask the kid what he's got," Martin muttered. "And we hope he's the one with the hunches, because otherwise we're screwed."

"Basically," Todd sighed, and Dirk nodded. Okay. This made sense, he could follow what had happened, even if it was weird not to have his mind pinging off potential solutions the way it always had before. He had enough information to handle what was happening, he just had to try and get through the case like a normal person.

He'd spent years insisting he was normal. This should have been easy.

That evening, they all ate pizza and watched a movie, and Mona went to lie down in her bed, muttering something about feeling odd in her human form. Dirk listened to the laughter of his friends, and yawned slightly, before remembering what it was he could do. If he fell asleep, then whatever he imagined could attack his friends, and he knew his imagination was strong and full of all kinds of horrors. Even before Blackwing he'd had nightmares, and now he couldn't let himself sleep. He excused himself, going to the kitchen and putting on the coffee, watching it drip down into the pot and hoping that it would be ready fast enough to protect his friends. He gripped the pot when it was done, pouring it into a chipped mug because Mona wasn't available, then went upstairs to drink it in peace, knowing Todd had told him not to drink coffee after eight at night.

Mona was lying in her bed, completely swaddled in her blanket, only her head poking out. She blinked up at him, and he sat down beside her, reaching out to pat her hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared I won't fix and I'll be stuck the wrong shape forever," she whispered. 

Dirk wanted to tell her that it was fine, that he wouldn't let that happen. But he didn't want to lie. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her. "I'll be here," he promised. It wasn't enough. It was all he had to offer.

He finished the coffee, and got up, walking around the room in an attempt to stop him from falling asleep. There had been numerous times in the past that Blackwing had chosen not to allow him to sleep, he told himself he could use one of those as inspiration to keep himself awake now. 

The floorboards kept creaking, and he didn't want to risk waking up Mona, so he slipped out of the bedroom, heading down to the kitchen. He could make himself another coffee there, and have a little more energy to stave off sleep a moment longer. He shuddered, mind full of things he had seen before, and he wondered what would appear first out of his nightmares. He didn't want to see what his mind would conjure.

He took another sip of coffee. It hurt his mouth.

Todd stuck his head around the door, and frowned. 

"Dirk, what've I told you about drinking coffee at..." He checked his watch. "One fifty in the morning?"

"I ... That it'll stop me from sleeping," Dirk recited, a faint look of hope on his face. "I mean, I think you're probably right, which is-"

"Which isn't good, Dirk, you need sleep."

"I can't sleep-" Dirk protested, and Todd marched forwards, grabbed his arm and led him back to where the Rowdies were waiting. There was a sword balanced on Cross's knee, which Dirk assumed had to be Bart, as he couldn't see an angry knife anywhere.

"She got excited." Todd muttered.

Dirk stared at the sword, wondering what he was expected to say in response, and then decided that was a problem he could deal with when he wasn't sleep deprived. He groaned softly, rubbing his hand through his hair.

"Todd, if I sleep, then what I dream will come real. I have... I have bad nightmares, sometimes. I was trapped in that house with a purple people eater, and that was the actions of a little boy. I have ..." Dirk hesitated, his arms flapping by his sides, and then looked down. "I have a whole lifetime of trauma just waiting for the opportunity to leap out and attack you all. If I sleep... I can't sleep."

Todd pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing his face into Dirk's hair. "You can sleep. I'll make sure you're safe." 

Dirk wanted to argue that that wouldn't work, that that wasn't how any of this made sense, but he didn't want to upset Todd.

Cross looked up. "Anything comes, we're gonna eat them."

"You can't eat right now," Dirk reminded them, sounding utterly dejected.

Martin looked up and shrugged. "We'll attack them then. We're still good at smashing things. We're still Rowdies, even... we're still Rowdies." He turned to Dirk and shrugged. "You get some sleep, boy. Anything comes, we'll get rid of it for yer."

Dirk looked up at them, seeing the sincerity in his eyes, and nodded. That helped. He managed a weak smile, before heading to his bedroom, glaring up at the speaker that had appeared that morning.

Todd followed him, took one look at the speaker, and walked straight back out. He returned, a couple of minutes later, wielding a baseball bat. He marched up to the speaker, standing up on his tiptoes to hit it with the bat.

It creaked, and the metal dented.

Todd smirked, and did it again, and then a third time, at which point it fell to the floor.

Dirk looked at him, feeling almost dizzy at Todd's bravery. Todd walked over, and kissed him, like someone out of a romance novel, stroking his fingers through Dirk's hair.

"It's gone now, you're safe."

Dirk nodded, curling up as Todd continued.

"Amanda's gonna try and contact Wonky-"

"Wakti, Todd," Dirk corrected automatically. 

"Okay, yeah, she's going to look and see if she can find a way to talk to Wakti, and get us help that way. But we're okay. We're going to be okay."

"Thank you." Dirk whispered, looking up to see Mona stood in the doorway in her white dress, her eyes wide and sad.

"I can't sleep," she told them quietly, as Todd muttered under his breath.

"She can stay with us, can't she Todd?" Dirk asked, his eyes shining with hope because he knew Todd could never say no to him over things like this. 

There was a brief pause, and Todd sighed, before he nodded, shuffling over so that there was space for Mona to join them under the blankets. She curled up against Dirk's side.

"I'm going to try very hard to be a blanket," she said softly. "A blanket would be comfortable to be right now."

"Okay," Dirk tried to sound encouraging. "I'm sure you're a great blanket, even if you don't look like one right now."

"Thank you..." She snuggled against his back, and Dirk tried to smile at Todd, whose face was doing all kinds of funny things. Eventually, Todd settled on smiling, nodding to himself.

"You're a good blanket, Mona." Todd muttered. "Definitely not at all like something that has escaped from a horror movie."

"Thank you Todd," Mona murmured, settling down to sleep. Dirk could feel her fidgeting against him, struggling to sleep in a form that felt so unnatural to her. But she managed it, drifting off slowly. 

Dirk could hear Todd snoring beside him, and he was tempted to stay awake, but he was tired. The day had been stressful, and he soon drifted off to sleep. In his dreams, a large fruit bat tried to steal the apple he was eating in his dream. He yelped at the noise of flapping wings, throwing an apple core at Todd.

Todd opened his eyes, looking up at the large fruit bat that was hanging off their curtain rail, and then closed his eyes again. He took two slow, deep breaths, as though he was mentally counting, and then he opened his eyes and looked at the bat.

"Weird dream?" he asked, rubbing the spot where the apple core had hit.

The fruit bat dived for the apple core, and Todd picked the apple core up from the bed, rushing to the window and fumbling it open. He threw the apple core out, and the fruit bat chased after it, wings flapping through the air.

Todd stood by the window, panting, his eyes wide with shock.

"That... that happened..." he mumbled to himself, and Dirk nodded.

In the bed, Mona slept on.

***

Bart was currently being a small throwing knife with an intricate blade, and wasn't very happy about it. She had liked being a sword, but she liked being Bart shaped even more. She wanted to be herself again. Vogel was patting her blade, which was nice. She didn't really understand what was going on, it was hard to make sense of things when you were a knife, and people didn't ever make that much sense anyway. But she knew that the Rowdies could do what she normally could, and some of them were sad about it.

Vogel sighed, and patted her, and she tried to concentrate on being something soothing, if she couldn't be Bart-shape.

She turned into a butterfly knife. Vogel whooped, throwing her through the air and for a little while he seemed distracted, until she got dizzy and ended up being a miniature guillotine.

***

Amanda tried to hug all of the guys, seeing the concern on all of their faces. This whole situation was hard on them, harder than it was possible to imagine because they were used to being able to be themselves, to live outside the rules of society, but not like this.

"We ain't meant to be killers," Martin muttered when Vogel had fallen asleep, cuddled up against the Bart-guillotine. "It's not what we're for, you know that Drummer?"

"I know." She did know. Ever since she'd first met them, she'd known that they weren't dangerous. They were loud and violent and angry, but they didn't want to hurt anyone, and they didn't want to kill. it wasn't who they were.

"You scared Drummer?" Martin asked. "I'd say we could eat the fear, get rid of it for yer, but it's not gonna work like that right now..." He sighed, hearing the muffled sound of wings flapping from the next room.

"A bit. But I got you guys." She smiled, leaning in and brushing her nose against his. "Even if you can't eat the fear, you keep it away."

Martin nodded, settling down to sleep, an arm wrapped around her. Amanda let him cling to her, because right now he needed the comfort that she could offer.

She woke to find Dirk standing by the board, drawing a question mark with one of the pens.

"Dirk?"

"I don't have a hunch." Dirk whispered. "There was a giant fruitbat in the bedroom, and the floor turned into lava for a moment, and I think we've got a new kitten now, and I don't... I don't have a hunch. At all. I don't like it."

Amanda nodded sympathetically, looking up as Todd emerged from the bathroom, his hair damp and sticking up in all directions. "Hey loser."

"Hey," Todd managed a weak smile. "Mona's still trying to be a blanket, Dirk. You think you can get her up, she needs to eat something."

Dirk nodded, returning to the bedroom, and Todd groaned, stepping over Vogel to sit down with her.

"This is a fucking mess," Todd muttered. "I thought Mona was creepy before, and this is worse. And Dirk..." his voice dropped to a whisper. "If he keeps dreaming stuff, he's gonna kill us or something, we're going to have to get him some drugs or...or something. I don't know what. But he... this is dangerous, Amanda..."

"I know." Amanda squeezed his hand. "We're gonna fix it."

"What if you...what if you have an attack?" Todd asked. "We don't know where the Rowdies' power is. We don't know who can help you, and if you... if you have an attack, then you could die, Amanda..." He shuddered, and Amanda saw the way his eyes seemed to unfocus slightly, his body shaking uncontrollably.

"Todd, what is it? Whatever you're seeing-"

"Ice-" Todd whispered, jerking away from her grasp. Amanda shook Martin's shoulder, scrabbling on the floor for her pill bottle and struggling off the lid, as Todd's shaking became worse. 

"Dirk!" Amanda called.

Dirk stood in the doorway, before he rushed over, holding Todd's jaw and forcing a couple of the tablets into his mouth, Martin helping hold him still. Todd kept shaking and trying to pull way, until very slowly it subsided, and he was sitting on the floor, gasping for air, shuddering between breaths.

Amanda felt sick. Helpless. Martin's eyes were sad, and he was gazing ahead, and Amanda realised they were expecting her to know what to do. She didn't know what she could say, or do, to make things better. But she tried to smile.

"I think we'd better see if we can get to Wendimoor, because maybe Wakti can fix this," she suggested, reaching out to give Todd's hand a squeeze.

Todd was leaning against Dirk, gasping for air, clearly unsure where he was or what was going on. She understood, she knew how disorienting a pararibulitis attack could be, and she was used to hers being handled by the Rowdies. Even at her darkest moments, when she'd hated Todd, she'd never wanted him to suffer through this.

Dirk was rubbing Todd's back, but he looked up at her and shook his head. "I don't know how to get back. It was Francis who got us there last time-"

"I mean, there's that weird portal in the quarry." Tina spoke up from where she was leaning against the doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand. "I don't know if you've seen it, occasionally a unicorn foal or whatever wanders through."

"Why didn't you mention that?" Farah muttered, her arms around Tina's waist. 

"You always ask about crimes and stuff, it didn't seem relevant. It's not like the unicorns are breaking the law, we just get them to go home-"

"We can do it then." Amanda interrupted. "We can go to Wendimoor."

There was a loud metallic clatter, as a pastel-pink knife landed on the floor, seeming to wriggle in its excitement.

Amanda wondered how to politely talk to a knife, but smiled. "Do you want to come with us Bart?"

The Bartknife jumped up and down on the floor, its blade flashing a brighter pink. Amanda decided that probably meant yes.

"Okay, you can come."

The knife did a happy little pirouette, and Amanda reached out to pat its handle.

The knife snuggled against her hand, thankfully handle first. Amanda tried not to overly think about that, as she picked it up, and then turned to Tina. "I guess we better go to Bergsberg then?"

"Yeah..." Tina grinned. "Just let me call Hobbs, he's been working on these cookies, they're _amazing_ and have cinnamon and chocolate chips, and he'll want to have a fresh batch ready. Plus he has cute cookie cutters."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a portal to Wendimoor," Farah was muttering, apparently to herself because Tina was distracted by the idea of cookies.

"It didn't seem important. I can't keep you updated of everything that happens in Bergsberg Farah, we'd never get to the fun stuff."

"What fun stuff?" Dirk asked.

Tina grinned, and went to reply, then yelped as Farah clapped her hand across her mouth. A moment later Farah frowned and moved away, wiping her hand on Tina's shirt.

"You shouldn't lick me, it's rude."

"That wasn't what you said last night-" Tina managed to say, before the hand was firmly clapped back in place.

Amanda laughed slightly, ushering everyone over to the van. Dirk frowned, but allowed it, as Farah and Tina got into their own car.

Mona curled up on the floor of the van, her knees drawn to her chest and her eyes closed. "I'm being a pebble," she murmured to herself, and Dirk nodded, patting her hair and shoulders. 

Amanda sighed, her heart aching. She might not actually understand what the fuck was going on with Mona, but it was sad to see her obviously hurting so very much. They settled down together, crowded into the back of the van when Martin patted the console and the engine purred to life, the group of them heading off to Wendimoor, and through that Bergsberg.

***

Amanda's first arrival in Wendimoor had been inelegant, snatched from the jaws of certain death and delivered wrapped in a pink flower curtain. Her second arrival was far easier - she stepped through the portal, holding onto Vogel's hand, and with Martin’s reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

The fucking weird moon continued to smile down at them, as strange plants twisted up towards the sky. Things looked even brighter than she remembered. Nearby, a herd of unicorns were munching away at a field of four-leaf clover, and just further along by the stream a stegosaurus was playing fetch with a young woman.

As the rest of the group stepped through the portal, the woman startled, rushing off to get help, and Amanda groaned. There were bits of Wendimoor that were like, unbelievably cool, things she could scarce believe she was seeing as they were so unreal and amazing. But it was still a bit like being high, and when she had a problem to solve, the fact that a fairy had settled on her shoulder was more an inconvenience than a cause of celebration. 

She twisted her head and blew a puff of air at the fairy. The tiny creature stuck its tongue out, raised its middle finger, and flew away, leaving them alone in the clearing where the portal had deposited them.

"What now, Drummer?" Martin asked. His sure certainty that she knew the answer was a comfort, and it gave her the strength to smile and step forwards.

"We find Wakti." Amanda said firmly, striding off in a direction. She didn't know if it was the right direction. But she trusted Wakti to find a way of making it the right direction, of transmuting the world around them to guide her to her cave.

If anyone else had told her that, she would have said they were talking bullshit. As it was, less than a minute later a clearing opened up in the village before her, with Wakhti's hut positioned proudly in the middle of it. She smiled at the simple familiarity of it. She was almost at the door when she heard Todd gasp in shock.

Turning around, she found that Todd was currently being held at scissor-point by none other than Panto Trost himself.

"Bart-" she whispered, fishing the knife from her pocket. In her time alone, Bart had become a miniature pale pink scissor sword. But seeing Panto - or being near Panto, given the scissor-sword lacked eyes - she transmuted herself again, becoming a small teddy bear. The bear fell from Amanda's hand, and fell to the ground with a resounding thump.

"She's not really very good at this, is she?" Mona murmured, half to herself, a sincere frown settling across her face. Amanda felt a momentary urge to defend Bart, before shaking her head and deciding she might have to concede the point. 

Panto walked closer, frowning as he picked up the bear, turning it in his hands to reveal an embroidered knife on the bear's stomach. "This... this is the Lady Bartine, is it not? I should recognise her anywhere... my poor lady, what curse has befallen her?"

"We need to see Wakti," Amanda explained, startled by how tenderly Panto cradled the heavy bear to his chest. "We think she can fix this."

"Then you must hurry. We must do all we can to save her. I did not think we should be so blessed as to see you again."

Amanda smiled a little, and saw her brother roll his eyes.

"He's not flirting, Todd. We all know he only has eyes for his boyfriend."

"I have the honour of counting Silas as my husband now," Panto corrected gently, a smile lingering on his face.

"That's wonderful," Dirk answered. "Isn't it Todd?"

Normally, Amanda would have expected Todd to have muttered something about marriage being a surrender to heteronormative relationships, but he didn't. Amanda could only suppose that this was both because Dirk looked utterly besotted by the idea, and because given Panto and Silas were literal fantasy princes he wasn't sure his normal objections applied.

"I'll let you talk to each other, if you do not mind me seeing her?" Amanda asked, feeling awkward asking for permission, but painfully aware that Panto possessed a scissor-sword which he clearly knew how to use.

"As you wish, Lady Amanda," Panto answered, bowing low. "Only you may proceed, I am afraid. Wakti Wapnasi did not wish to be disturbed by the rest."

"I'll go sort this out, guys, I promise." Amanda said softly, stepping forwards into the hut.

Wakti was sat there by the pool, and she trilled a welcome. "I see you have returned to me, full of questions, and wondering what answers your riddle might have..."

"I did," Amanda agreed, trying not to think of seeing Wakti's corpse. "I... I've been doing well, but something has gone wrong, and I need your help to fix it-"

"Always running for help, you are, when the answer is inside of yourself..." Wakti shook her head, walking over and embracing Amanda. 

Amanda returned the embrace, relaxing into the other woman's strange arms. "Thank you. I don't know what's happening."

"You do know if you think and look. Tell me what you know."

"The holistics have had their powers swapped. Dirk has got Francis's. What..." Amanda's eyes widened. "What can Francis do now? Does he have Dirk's hunches? If he has Dirk's hunches we can ask him and-"

"He eats energy now, like your friends do. When you have your own power running through you... you remember what I showed you before?"

"I..." Amanda nodded, remembering the pain. If she had to endure it again to fix her friends, she would. But she didn't understand how that would help them. Worse, it meant they had yet to locate Dirk's hunches.

She groaned in frustration, staring over at the pool that she had used the last time she was here, to see what she could understand of her powers. "I remember."

"Then tell me, how do we solve this?"

"I don't know!" Amanda muttered. "That's why I came here, to ask for help because the answers are...I don't know. I don't get it, it's like everything's tangled up and-"

"And if things are tangled, then perhaps it is best to untie them, Amanda Brotzmann," Wakti interrupted, trilling to herself. "Now, how would you solve that? How will you untie these tangled threads and make everything as it should be, or perhaps how it will be... for there is chaos as well as order, and how will you know where to go, to ensure it is the right side you choose-"

"It's right to give them their own powers back." Amanda interrupted. "It's not helping Blackwing, it's just fucked up." 

"And so tell me, Amanda Brotzmann, if this is something that should be put right, how will you put it right?"

"How can I..." Amanda frowned, sure there was something that Wakti wasn't saying. She pictured it, the tangled threads of the holistics' powers, crossing between them. She frowned, trying to work out what the entire twisted image reminded her of. After a moment, her eyes snapped open.

"The backstage of the universe." 

Wakti's celebratory trill made her smile, and she threw back her head, laughing in victory. She'd solved the case - at least, she'd worked out how to solve it.

"I need to go to the backstage, and untangle ... it's like they've got their wires crossed. The connections are going through wrong, and they can't do what they're meant to, but we... we can fix it." Her eyes lit up with sheer joy. "We can fix it, and get them back to who they're meant to be, can't we?"

"I believe you can, Amanda Brotzmann. If you are careful to take control, and to make the decisions that you need to make, you can shape the path ahead of you, and make it one that you will be able to walk down more smoothly than this current twisted route, but you may have to decide for yourself, how you wish for this to go."

"I want to help them." Amanda said firmly. "I'll go to the backstage."

"It'll hurt."

"I'm punk." Amanda answered with a grin.

Wakti looked at her curiously. "Will you go now, Amanda Brotzmann?"

"On my own?"

"Is there anyone who you need to take with you? Who can untangle this better than you?"

Amanda thought back to the life she'd lived before the Rowdies, how helpless she had felt all the time, utterly powerless. She thought also about how things had changed, how she had managed to step out of the house, helped to save Dirk and Wendimoor and all the rest. She'd seen the explanation that had been made of what had happened. She understood.

"No. I can do this."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Wakti asked, gliding to the side a little so that Amanda could reach the pool.

Amanda took a couple of deep breaths, bracing herself before she made her way over towards it. She knew this would hurt, remembered the knife that had pierced her hand before, and then the shocks of electricity that had run through her the last time she had ended up backstage. She was ready. 

She considered taking off her jacket to stop it from getting damp, but she needed that reassurance, that sense of identity. Instead, she pushed up her sleeves, kneeling at the edge of the pool, trying to brace herself. She took a couple of shaky breaths, and looked up at Wakti.

Wakti nodded, and Amanda plunged her hands into the pool.

The world became pain, bright bursts of it almost blinding her as she struggled to keep her hands in the water, but she could do it. The world started to blur around the edges, sharper than before, mixtures and fractals and patterns dancing across her vision, faster and faster and fiercer and fiercer, until the darkness inside opened up, and she found herself there.

The universe stretched out before her, unbelievably large and unbelievably silent, blue and white cords of power dancing across the air, above her and around her as she floated, weightless. She stepped forwards, moving closer to it, and after a moment the air seemed to shimmer - or no, not air, that wasn't the right word. She didn't know what the right word was, didn't know if there was one for it. Just space, the hugeness of it, incomprehensible and beautiful.

She rotated slowly, or the space turned around her, and she stepped forwards, the area around her seeming to twist, but not in a way that the human mind could make sense of - it spun out around her like a fractal, spinning faster and faster, and then it stopped. 

She turned around again, and this time she wasn't alone.

"The fuck are you doing here?" She glared at the bastard standing beside her - this was the one who had tried to kidnap her when she'd first met the Rowdies, had threatened her friends, and then from what Dirk had said had tried to experiment on him. The man who had held her friends prisoner and starved them, who had nearly killed them. And now here he was, in the middle of the backstage of the universe, somewhere he had absolutely no business being. His eyes were strange - not like Todd's had been, but stranger. They were filled with red patterns, spiralling out there, and there was something about him that felt... wrong.

"I'm here now. All the time. This is where I... I am. I get ... I understand. All of it. I know why I am here, I mean, I think I understand..." He frowned, his forehead creasing. "But I'm here on my own. There's not normally anyone else. I am here. Why are you here?"

"I'm..." Amanda stared at him, trying to work out what he meant when it felt like she was having brain cells dropping out every moment of this conversation. "I'm here because something's gone wrong."

"Nothing's gone wrong," the man answered, crossing his arms. "Everything is going perfectly." He grinned to himself. "There was a problem, and I solved it, all by myself."

She stared past him, and realised that some of the cords - or lights or threads or whatever they were - looked hopelessly knotted and tangled together. "What did you do?"

"I fixed the problem." He answered, a smug smirk settling across his lips. 

"I... Do you realise the holistics are all mixed up? The Rowdies are killing people. Mona can't change shape, and Dirk's dreams are becoming a reality. How does any of this solve anything?"

The man shook his head, and huffed out a breath. "Well I wouldn't expect you to understand. You're always so angry, you don't listen you're just...mad."

"Because you fucked everything up. What the hell is going wrong?"

"I solved a problem so everyone can be happy."

"Well put it back!" Amanda insisted, and he shook his head. 

"I can't, not yet."

"What do you mean not yet?"

"It's not sorted yet, so I can't put them back, duh. How do you not understand that." The man said with a frown before he tilted his head in confusion. "Like, that's pretty simple. I need to sort something, so-"

Amanda took a deep breath, and pushed the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face down as deep into her chest as it would go, in the hope that it would restrain her from trying to murder the man in front of her. "What are you trying to sort out?"

"Well, the guy with all the bright jackets and the weird attitude, and all "oh, everything is connected" -"

"Dirk?"

"Yeah, Dirk. Well, he _hates_ Blackwing, doesn't he. He complains about it all the time, and he'd never ever _ever_ want to go back. He spent like, two months whining all the time about how this isn't how it works and I don't like you and I hate this and blah blah blah..."

Amanda nodded, reminding herself she wasn't going to fight the man who had tortured her friend until after she knew what was going on.

"So putting him back in Blackwing would be bad, right? And the girl with the knives, she's a bit... you know. Murdery." He shrugged his shoulders. "And so like, if I'm trying to do something, she can get in the way and stab people, and-"

"I know what Bart's like. That doesn't explain why my friends are killing people."

"Well they were already kinda... I mean, one of them tried to _eat_ me before. I didn't think they'd be that bothered about it, honestly. But yes. I've solved the problem and made everything better, and now we've just got to like, wait for a bit and then when it’s complete I'll put everything back to how it was." He gestured over at the hopelessly tangled strands of light.

Amanda frowned, remembering Todd as a teenager trying to untangle the lights they were putting up around windows for Halloween. "So... you're trying to not put Dirk into Blackwing?" She asked, trying to follow the man's reasoning despite the sensation that her IQ was dropping by the moment.

"Exactly!" He grinned at her. "That's the plan. Keep Dirk out of Blackwing, make sure that the stabby girl doesn't kill everyone, and like, everyone ends up happy. Because..." His expression flickered for a moment, sadness shining in his eyes. "I don't want to be the bad guy. Not again. Riggins told me we were helping people, saving people from... from monsters, and... I thought I could do that. Like, I thought I could shoot the monsters and keep people safe but it... it's more complicated than that. And now I can see what needs to be done, but I don't want to hurt someone again, does that..." He sighed. "Does that make any sense at all?"

"Yeah." Amanda looked at him, and could see the hurt writ on his face. It was pretty clear that the man was stupid. But he sounded sincere. "Okay. So you are trying to get stuff done without anyone getting hurt?"

"Exactly!" He clapped his hands together, and for a moment his hands didn't look like hands at all. After a moment, the shadows coalesced back into the shape of normal hands, and he smiled triumphantly to himself. "So there was a thing happening in Blackwing. A Dirk-thing, only Dirk wouldn't want to fix it. So I put his power into someone that likes Blackwing, and made sure Bart wouldn't get in the way, and then made sure no one ended up with the wrong thing and -" he gestured with far too many hands. "I knew you'd understand! This way everyone ends up happy."

"But they don't." Amanda took a step towards the knot. "Can't you just put them back?"

"No." The man crossed his arms. "I can't put them back. Not until it's sorted, because if this isn't solved then... then the universe falls apart, and that would be like... a really bad thing. And I need to let it play out, but... the guy I put the powers into, he's called Mister Priest? He's not... he's not really helping very much. He's busy doing other things even when I try and push him to look at the coincidences and I... I don't know how to make him fix it. And until he's fixed it, they're stuck. It's kind of a mess, but I can't... this is better." He sounded a little nervous, then shook his head and smiled slightly too brightly. "This is better. Dirk doesn't have to go to Blackwing, and I don't like... have to deal with the universe all falling apart, you know?"

Amanda took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and then opened them again. "So we need to fix whatever is going on in Blackwing and when that's done you're going to give everyone their powers back?"

"Yeah, like, of course." He stared at her and shrugged. "I'll give them all their powers, I just need to make sure the reason for the portals is sorted and closed off, and once that's done everything is gonna be fine."

"Portals?"

"Yeah, they're..." he gestured again at the tangle. "They're all mixed up in it, and... well, I just need it fixed before like, the whole universe explodes or something, you know?"

"Explodes?"

"It's hard to explain." The man shrugged. "I just know we need to fix it, Dirk's powers can fix it, and I just need Mister Priest to help but he's kinda. Uh. Scary."

"I've heard," Amanda frowned, thinking of what Martin had told her. "If I make him solve the case, you'll fix this?"

"Yeah, like, sure, just... just as long as I can remember who does what."

Amanda took a deep breath. Then another deep breath. Then a third deep breath. When she thought she could say something without punching the face of the man in front of her, she opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm sure you can work it out. Now, what does Mona do?"

"She changes shape, she's... I mean, Ken said... but she's a shapeshifter, right?"

"Yes."

"I knew it!" He looked delighted, mouths opening in grins that after a moment became a single smile. Amanda shuddered. 

"Okay, so Mona is a shapeshifter. What power should Bart have?"

"She kills people. And the Rowdies do the weird blue light thing that hurts and feels all weird and tingly, right?"

"Yes," she smiled, remembering every ex-friend who had ever told her she should try yoga in order to handle her pararibulitis. If she could manage a conversation with them without giving into the urge to scream and go on a murder spree, she could manage this.

"Now, you gave Francis the Rowdies power, so he now feeds off energy. What is he meant to do."

"Uh... he's Moloch, right? So he was asleep..." The man frowned. "I know this one. He was the... the one that made the purple people eater, wasn't he? So Dirk has that. And then Mister Priest has Dirk's powers, and...."

Amanda stared at him, realising she could almost see the tiny cogs turning in his mind as he tried to make sense of what was being said, and who was left.

"Where did I put Mister Priest's powers?" He asked, as though the misplaced item was a housekey, and not the ability of a holistic entity. "Dirk's got... Francis's..." He started to count on his fingers.

"Mona. You gave Mona Priest's powers."

"There you go! That's like, everything we need to do to fix it right? So you make Mister Priest behave, and then I can fix it." He grinned at her.

"Sounds like a plan," Amanda agreed. "I'll do my bit, then you can do yours." Amanda groaned, physically wrenching herself out of the pool. She was shaking, her body aching all over with the aftershocks of being immersed in it.

"Did you find the answers you were seeking Amanda?" Wakti asked. "Or do you now have more questions than you had before?"

"I have an answer. And the answer is that the universe is fucking stupid." Amanda muttered, groaning under her breath. 

"I suggest you talk to your friends now, and let them help you." Wakti smiled. "I can open a portal to Blackwing when you are ready."

"Thank you." Amanda embraced her for a moment, before heading back to her brother and their friends. During the time she’d been inside, Francis had arrived, dressed in a white robe.

"Well?" Todd asked, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. "What did you learn?"

"I... I know how we can fix it." Amanda answered. Mona rushed over and embraced her tightly, and the Rowdies all looked at her with a mixture of trust and triumph shining in their eyes.

"How?" Dirk asked. "I can't help you. I don't... I don't know how to do anything. I'm useless."

"You aren't useless, Dirk." Todd muttered, walking over and embracing him. "You're just... this isn't fair, none of it is. But we can fix it." He looked over at Amanda. "How do we do this?"

"We have to go to Blackwing." Amanda answered.

The effect on the assembled holistics was instantaneous - Bart gave up being a teddy bear, and turned instead into a rather small and rusted-looking kinfe. Mona curled up on the ground, her head resting against her knees. Dirk went pale, clutching Todd, and Cross and Martin both growled their displeasure, anger sparking in their gaze. Even Francis looked afraid, shaking his head.

Amanda felt like a monster, telling them they had to return to that hell. But it was apparently the only way to solve it.

"At the backstage of the Universe there was this guy. And he was really, _really_ stupid. Breathtakingly stupid."

"Friedkin." Dirk and Martin muttered simultaneously. Amanda nodded. 

"The guy that tried to abduct me at gunpoint before."

"He did what?!" Todd glared, going to march towards the door of Wakti's hut.

"No, don't... don't worry. He didn't hurt me, he's not worth the effort." Amanda sighed. "But somehow he seems to be... he tangled up the powers, and he says he'll untangle them if we get Priest to behave."

"We can do that." Martin snarled. "I ain't letting him fuck our lives over any more."

"What if he isn't truthing this time? What if it's a trap?" Vogel whispered, and Amanda's heart ached, thinking of how cruelly he had been treated by Priest before. 

"I won't let you guys get taken into a trap." Amanda tried to sound confident. "I'm a witchakoocoo. I'll keep you safe."

Vogel nodded.

Mona looked up from the floor. "I'm being a pebble. You don't think Mister Priest would hurt a pebble, do you?"

"No, I don't think so." Dirk reassured, patting her hair, and then looking at the others. "Farah, we're going to need a plan."

Amanda smiled. "Okay. Let's sit down and see what we can work out."

***

Dirk glanced over at Todd, who was standing beside him, a supportive hand on his shoulder. He didn’t want to do this. But he knew he could do it - and more than that, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to do it without Todd’s help. But Todd was here, standing beside him as they prepared to go through a portal, and Todd’s only complaint was that he hadn’t been allowed to lead the way. Because Todd was unendingly brave, and heroic, and Dirk felt far safer with him there. 

Todd was just… the best thing that could possibly have happened to him.

As though Todd could hear his thoughts, he grinned. Dirk turned to look at Mona, who was stood at his other side, one hand holding his own, and her other arm wrapped protectively around her chest.

“You don’t have to go, Mona,” Farah said softly, from where she was waiting beside her. “We can manage without you.”

“But.. I can find them, can’t I?” She whispered. “If I can help, I want to go, even… even if it’s scary.”

“We’ll keep you safe.” Dirk promised, his free hand brushing the handle of the Bart-knife strapped to his hip.

“Ain’t no one gonna mess with you, ghost-girl.” Martin growled. “We’re gonna keep you safe. That idiot gave us the ability to kill, and we aren’t gonna hold back. Not in Blackwing. You stick with us.”

Mona nodded, a fragile smile on her lips, and Dirk felt so proud of her. It would have been easy for her to just run away, and pretend none of this was happening. But she was being brave. They all were.

Amanda was holding onto a magic wand, which was a development but one Dirk accepted. He assumed if she hadn’t been meant to have the magic wand, he would have realised by now - it was just the universe giving them a free pass, like Todd and the air gun. 

“We go through first.” Amanda said, pointing at herself and the Rowdies. “Then you’ve got to come a minute or two later.”

“I should go with you.” Farah stepped forwards, and Amanda smiled and shook her head. “It might not be pleasant. And if we’re walking into a trap, well, hopefully they won’t be set up for us coming in two groups. We need you in the later group to get us out.”

Farah hesitated, but seemed to accept that, falling back in beside Tina.

“See you soon.” Amanda grinned, and rushed forwards yelling. Her Rowdies followed.

Dirk watched them go. He’d been terrified of the Rowdy Three for two decades, and now they were murderous as well as chaotic. But he found he wasn’t afraid of them now, not the way he had been before. Amanda had changed them. Dirk had changed.

Todd pulled a knuckle duster from his pocket, slipping it on. “Amanda and I aren’t letting them take you back.” 

“I know,” Dirk promised. He believed that - Todd wouldn’t let him get taken. The only way that was going to happen would be if Todd got hurt, and Dirk had to believe that for once, no matter how stupid the universe was, it was on his side.

He took a few more slow, deep breaths, looking at the people around him. Mona was basically his sister, Todd the love of his life, Farah the best friend he’d ever had, and Tina the funniest person he knew. Blackwing wouldn’t stand a chance. He might have not had his fundamental interconnectedness with the universe, but he didn’t need it to know that they’d be alright.

“Let’s go.” He managed a smile. “Holistic detectives assemble!”

“Nerd.” Todd teased, walking forwards into the portal beside him, the others staying close.

The world around them seemed to spin, turning black for a moment, and then they were there.

The sterile scent of the recycled air hit him first like a punch to the gut, and he wanted to curl up, to be a pebble like Mona had been earlier. Mona was clung to his arm sniffling and he felt like he was dizzy, like he wanted to run, wanted to scream. 

Todd’s hand tightened on his own, and he tried to focus.

“It’s alright,” Farah’s voice promised. “Just concentrate on us. We’re all here, you aren’t alone, we can do this.”

Dirk took another slow breath, running through the mental checklist of how to calm himself, the way Farah had taught him to do when the universe was too much. He opened his eyes, and found Todd smiling at him.

“Where are the Rowdies?” Dirk asked, and Todd pointed out a corridor where the walls were dented and official signs pulled from the walls, security cameras smouldering. Deciding not to question it, Dirk followed the path of destruction along the hallway.

“Svlad Cjelli,” a voice through the speakers made the knife at his hip twitch. Dirk tensed. It wasn’t Priest, at least - he didn’t think he could handle hearing that man’s voice through the speaker, it was too much, too frightening, too horrifying. This was the man who had been Bart’s friend, who had betrayed her so horribly. “It’s good to see you. And with project Lamia, very good… I wondered when you’d all show up. Now, I’m assuming that you… you’re not all in possession of your powers. I’ve been searching for Project Marzanna, but so far we’ve had no luck.”

Dirk hadn’t realised a knife could tremble, but that was what was happening, Bart quivering at his hip. He wanted to reassure her, and settled for patting his hand awkwardly over the handle.

“I thought you might be where she’d run to. We were going to come and get her back, only… well.” The voice paused. “We’ve been having some very interesting results, and I am sure that you have as well. Because something is happening, and now Osmund is able to see the very interconnections that you have been ignoring for so long…”

“I want them back.” Dirk muttered, continuing to pat his fingers across the hilt of the knife. “We’ve come to fix it.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind letting me do some studying… I’m sure that we can work out what is wrong, and maybe even fix it.” 

Dirk nodded slowly, gazing at the speaker, and yelping as a baseball bat came flying over to smash it. “Whuh?”

Todd grinned, holding up the bat, which after a moment turned back into a knife. “We don’t need to listen to that.”

“Thanks,” Dirk whispered, reaching for Todd’s hand.

Todd gently tugged him along. “Come on, we’re going to see where my sister’s got to.”

Dirk let Todd lead him down the corridor, his heart thumping sickeningly in his chest. He bit back a laugh at the thought of what might happen if Blackwing caught them. He would fall asleep, and then terrible things would happen. He didn’t want them to happen, but they would, and he wouldn’t be able to stop it.

It wasn’t far to the trail of people lying on the ground, guns twisted or exploded beside them. Amanda grinned, smashing a baseball bat against a metal door.

“They’re through here.”

“No… no they’re not?” Mona frowned. “That’s a trap. They’re through this corridor. I can feel them, I can take them if you’d like that…”

Amanda shrugged. “Sure thing.”

“Okay, thank you,” Mona smiled, almost skipping down the corridor. “It’s just along here, I’ll show you. But then can I sit out?”

“Course. Vogel, you keep an eye on ghost-girl.” Martin insisted, patting Vogel’s wrist. “You do that, and we’ll… we’ll deal with this mess.”

Dirk considered running away. There was a time when he would have run away, even if the universe was telling him to go forwards. Now the universe wasn’t talking to him, and he could have fled, but he wasn’t going to. He hugged Mona, and took Bart back from Todd.

“They’re just through there,” Mona pointed at a nondescript and non-reinforced door. She sat down on the floor, and Vogel sat beside her.

“Thank you.” 

Amanda marched up to the door, slamming it open, Farah and the Rowdies close behind. Dirk followed, trying to seem calm, knowing Todd was with him.

He walked in, and found Ken watching him, leaning against the desk. 

After a moment, Mister Priest stepped out from the shadows, and he was all that Dirk could look at, all he could think about. Mister Priest was there.

Todd’s fingers tangled with his own, and he tried to remember to breathe.

“Way I see it,” Mister Priest drawled. “Is that you’ve all come running in here like good little test subjects, ready to share your brand new powers with us. We weren’ even tryin’a hunt you down, you came to find us.”

“No.” Amanda shook her head. “We’ve come to end the portals and fix this mess.”

“And you really think we’re gonna let a little thing like portals stop us? They’re just going to that pocket dimension that Moloch dreamed up, they ain’t dangerous. Worst that is in there’s a monster that we studied.”

Dirk stared at him. “They are.”

“What was that, little Svlad Cjelli? You arguing with me?”

“The… the pocket dimension…” He fought for words, even though getting air into his lungs was hard. It felt like he had been kicked in the ribs but he had to try. “The pocket dimension isn’t Francis’s any more.”

There was a pause, and next time someone spoke, it was Ken, looking at him more intently. He realised then, Ken was going to listen, and he could have sobbed with relief. “What do you mean?”

“They’re linked to me. Anything I can dream up, anything I can...anything I can imagine. And I’ve had… I’ve had so many dreams over the years, of monsters. Monsters escaping from Blackwing, monsters made by Blackwing, monsters destroying Blackwing. If the pocket dimension… if my dreams, are coming out here, then that’s dangerous to everyone in the building.”

“He’s bullshitting.” Mister Priest snarled, stepping forwards, but he fell back when Ken raised his hand.

“Go on, Svlad.”

“His name is Dirk.” Todd interrupted, glaring up at them. “His name is Dirk and he...he came back here, to help you guys and fix this mess. So don’t… don’t call him that.”

“Dirk, then. Go on.” Ken smirked.

“We need to sort this out.” Dirk stared. “And you’re going to need to move your base. Or… or I don’t know what will happen. I’ve slept, already. There could be something here, and I don’t know, because I don’t have… I don’t have the power. Mister Priest, you… you can solve this. You can solve the case, and right now I can’t. Please.”

There was a pause, only a moment or two, and then Priest turned to Ken. “Well?”

“Help him.” Ken answered. “I’ve got to arrange things for a base transfer.”

“You aren’t keeping any of the holistics,” Amanda threatened.

“I can assure you that Agent Priest quite likes being kept.” Ken crossed his arms. “Still, given the circumstances, I am willing to discuss a transfer. We have only located a couple of the holistics. They will be free to go, although we will be keeping an eye. Priest, I want you to do what you can to clear up this… mess.”

Mister Priest laughed, but headed over to them. “Come on then, Project Icarus. Explain how I can put your powers to use.”

Dirk shivered, feeling Todd wrap an arm around his waist. He took a moment to focus on that, then nodded. “I think we need to go over to one of the portals.”

“By all means,” Priest chuckled, leading the way.

***

Trying to solve a case without his ability was hard, and trying to solve it with Mister Priest permanently standing too close was even harder. Eventually, Martin came to support Dirk, and between Farah, Todd and Martin, Dirk felt safely boxed in, a short distance from Mister Priest but no longer within reach of him.

It was Mister Priest who tracked down the thing which was more tentacle and shadow than being, and pushed it back through a portal, a bit less gently than he should have done, before it could spread. Dirk watched it disappear through the gap, feeling Bart (once again a knife, and now curled up in his pocket) trembling.

“Okay, now that’s done, I’m guessing you’re gonna wanna get out of here?” Mister Priest smirked, and Dirk fought back the urge to sob. “Because we got a whole load of real comfy rooms that you could use.”

“No.” Dirk shook his head. “I… we did it. We need to go now.”

“As yer wish.” Mister Priest laughed. “Still, we might have to change base, but we aren’t gonna leave you alone forever, y’all’d miss us too much.”

The speaker in the room they were in crackled to life. “Priest, don’t play with your food.”

Anything else that was said was silenced by Cross swinging a crowbar up at the speaker. Priest glared, but stepped back to let them past.

“Come on, let’s get back to Wendimoor, and then we can go home.” Amanda grinned, retracing her steps to where they had arrived, where a swirling blue-grey portal awaited.

Dirk practically ran into it, he was so desperate to be out. Feeling the others accompanying him, he knew he wasn’t the only one who had panicked.

He rushed from Wakti’s hut, and collapsed onto his back on the ground, gazing up at the brilliantly blue sky.

After a moment, Todd joined him, resting his head on Dirk’s shoulder.

“You feel any different?”

“Not yet,” Dirk muttered, and then smiled as a small grey kitten wandered over, settling her weight at his chest and purring to herself. He reached up to scritch behind her ears. “Hello Mona,” he greeted, and her purrs of delight grew louder.

Todd sat up.

“Mona?”

The kitten mewled its delight, and after a moment Dirk registered what that meant, squealing and reaching out to embrace Todd.

Mona hissed slightly at finding herself sandwiched between them. Todd yelped, clearly scratched by her claws, but before he could say anything more a pale blue light floated from him towards the Rowdies.

Amanda whooped in delight, rushing over to embrace them, and then grinning.

“Okay, so we need to have a party.”

“I’m sure we can do that.” Francis spoke from where he was perched on a nearby tree root. “We have a lot to celebrate.”

“Where’s Bart?” Todd asked, cautiously.

Dirk frowned. He couldn’t feel any sign of difficulty from her, or anything off with the universe, but he realised that wasn’t necessarily proof that it was all alright.

“She’s over there.” Tina answered, pointing across at where Beast had climbed a tree, and was throwing down hamburgers for everyone. Dirk lifted his head, and saw that Bart was being embraced by Panto and his husband.

That was good. Even if Bart unnerved him sometimes, it was good that she had friends. Todd stared.

“There are burgers on the trees?”

“They’re good,” Dirk shrugged. “You should try one.”

***

The first thing that Todd discovered when he woke up in his own bed, with Dirk cuddled in against his side, was that miraculously Wendimorian alcohol didn’t cause hangovers. The second was that a return to normality didn’t stop Dirk’s more irritating tendencies.

“Dirk, why are you poking me in the side?”

“We’ve got a case coming. I’ve got a hunch.” 

Normally, those words would have filled him with dread. But now, knowing Dirk was back to his normal weird self, he smiled, and leaned in for a kiss. He decided he would have to make the most of this new normality, however long it lasted before the universe tried to ‘help’ again. At least he had Dirk. “Any idea what the case is?”

“None whatsoever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you ever so much. If you've enjoyed this, please comment, it means so much to me!


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